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30 . 06 . 24
30 . 06 . 24
Life shouldn’t be all serious stuff. Life is for living, enjoying, and having fun. Surely that’s what we’re all here for?
Allow me to indulge you with my Lisbon tales for a moment…
So, I’m very lucky to say I went to Lisbon with 11 really solid, old-school, incredible friends. I can’t remember the last time I belly laughed like that, and I mean truly belly laughed. It was hilarious! We danced our little socks off. Sunday, day 3, we were on a beach from lunchtime until way past sunset, celebrating the incoming wedding of our dear, dear friend Georgia (@wellbeing_withgeorgia). We danced, laughed, shared each other’s company, hugged, and (repeatedly) told each other how lucky we are.
I looked around at us all and realised that what we had here was real success: success in the friendships and the connections we’ve built throughout our lives. I feel so lucky, so proud. A bunch of people I can really depend on. A group of friends who genuinely support each other. There is no competition between us whatsoever; in fact, quite the opposite. We all want the best for each other, we all lift each other up, and we all point out each other’s greatness. All the time! (Along with taking the pi*s out of each other, but you know, balance)
I am also very aware that not everyone feels they have those kinds of connections. As you know, I used to suffer from severe anxiety and panic. What I recognise now, looking back, is that the times during which I suffered anxiety and panic were the times when I was in situations where I was not being true to myself. I was not speaking the truth for fear of what people might think, or what might happen if I did. I was living by other people’s expectations, keeping the peace (although whose peace I now question), what I thought I “should” be doing, how I “should” be living my life. I was not putting myself in an environment where I felt truly comfortable or that I really belonged.
You see, when we try to ‘fit in’, to shoehorn ourselves into an environment, or to be somebody else just to ‘fit in’ with a friendship group, or indeed in business, we are really just acting. We’re not being ourselves, and that forms a real barrier to making genuine connection.
It’s important for me to point this out here… If you’re not feeling like you’re making real connections at the moment, or if you’re suffering from anxiety and panic, I want you to recognise that these feelings often stem from past stories or experiences that made us feel not good enough, unworthy or unsafe. These stories can make us feel like we have to be somebody else or act in a certain way to be accepted, to fit in, to keep safe.
Ultimately, we all aspire to feel truly happy, but we’re not taught happiness in school (why the fu*k not I’ll never know, far more useful than algebra in my opinion). And actually, if you think about it, we are born joyful in the first place. But somewhere along the way, we lose sight of ourselves; we start looking externally for our happiness, for where we belong, and we forget that the answers are already inside us.
Creating happiness is about doing or being what ‘we’ want. What makes ‘us’ happy. But as life progresses, we get so wrapped up in the external that we completely forget to look within. We see others in life doing what we want to do, and look to them for the answers on how to do it and follow their way. I’m not saying that’s wrong entirely—of course, we don’t need to continually reinvent the wheel—but what I’m saying is, for your own life to be happy, you need to make this your version of success. Put your own spin on it and bring YOU into it.
I recommend (OK, and teach/practice!) doing the real work on ourselves. Learning that our feelings of inadequacy are just the byproduct of external stories or experiences, can not only free us from those restrictive feelings, but also help us recognise our innate skills and unique beauty. When we start to love ourselves, (which this work leads to - and yes it can take a lot of work), we begin to show up as our true selves. This stops the pretending, eases the stress, and allows us to get into a state of happy life flow.
When we’re more in flow with who we are, we naturally attract the right people and opportunities, whether that be in work or our personal lives. Authenticity is the foundation of making genuine connections (and I mean real authenticity - not the curated Insta type). When we are true to ourselves, we attract friendships and relationships that truly fulfil us and lift us.
I’ve spent a hell of a lot of my life trying to ‘fit in’. Do you know what? I still don’t feel like I do! But, the beautiful thing is, through all the work I’ve done on myself and with others, I’ve realised that ‘fitting in’ is never really what I wanted. This weekend made me realise something far more profound. I might not feel like I ‘fit in’ anywhere, but what I do know is that I wholly ‘belong’ and that’s a far bigger feeling. I belong in my family, my friendship group, my workspace, and in my own life.
I don’t want to fit into a box defined by someone or something else. I am an individual. We are all individuals and surely we should aspire to be 100% true to who we are - that’s where the magic happens! Showing up as your whole self is a lifetime’s work, and is probably the hardest job in the world. BUT it’s the most fulfilling, gratifying and important work you’ll ever do too! You in?
Next week, I’ll be getting into how to reduce anxiety, stress, and panic. We'll explore some scientifically-backed strategies and practical tips to help you feel more at peace and in control.
Make this week your best yet.