You won’t need me at all

You’ll notice this is coming to you a little later again - a whole day! That is simply due to logistics. I also realise assuming you ‘needed’ me to make sure it arrived with you first thing on a Sunday morning was yet another unnecessary pressure I was putting on myself. I do prefer it though! Does it matter if you receive this in the morning or evening I wonder? From next week, you’ll be back to receiving it on a Sunday morning anyway... but while we’re discussing it, do reply and let me know if you have a preference!

This links nicely into something else I’ve noticed and been thinking about a lot recently... I’ve spent many years being ‘needed,’ and I’ve loved it too. I recognise I had a real need to be needed, and I’m not just talking about being needed by people. For over 20 years, I had a really overly needy cat (to be honest, I’m more of a dog person, but I did love him). At one time in my life, I actually enjoyed how much he needed me, I needed him too (long story). But once I had kids, and I was needed much more in general, his neediness increased, my spare time decreased, and likely so did my patience with his manipulative behaviour (manipulative behaviour, ha! OK, maybe on reflection, this description was formed through the lens of my battered nervous system filter at the time). For all you cat lovers out there, please know that despite my irritation, he was spoiled beyond reason. Either way, I’ve realised as the years have gone on and particularly at this stage in my life, my need to be needed is much, much less.

When I first started as a personal trainer back in 2012, I soon realised it didn’t do it for me to just tell people what to do without giving them any autonomy or skills they could really absorb to benefit themselves without me. So, very soon after, I progressed to advanced training in the whole human, becoming an Individual Design Coach in the health, fitness, and lifestyle industry. I wanted people to truly learn about themselves, how their bodies and minds work, and how to use that knowledge to support them in reaching their ultimate goals in life, with the health, vitality, and longevity to sustain it. It was important for me to teach them how to move properly and why each movement and lifestyle change mattered in the grander scheme of balanced health, so they didn’t get injured and could optimise their bodies. My aim was for them to be able to support themselves health-wise, without needing me to tell them what to do, so they could walk into any gym, or into any aspect of their lives, without needing me to guide them every step of the way.

This same approach has seen me hugely expand upon this belief in my career as a Life Design Strategist. My goal when I work with people is to help them not need me. To learn all about themselves, to acquire the tools and how to seek new ones as and when required, and how to tune into their own bodies to truly thrive, mentally, emotionally, in business, relationships, and in life.

I was on a discovery call just the other day and caught myself explaining how I work with people using the SHIFT Life Design System, something I explain regularly. It’s the framework I use as the basis to work through with everyone I work with. The structure we follow and adapt to suit each and every unique human. The system takes you through five stages (Self awareness, History, Inner work, Future you, Transformation). Working through it together means that when you leave me and step back into your life, you know exactly where to come back to, what to do, what process to follow, and which tools to use, as and when you come up against any challenge or question, or feel ready to up-level any part of your life.

I realised that this is my real passion in life, seeing people able to stand on their own two feet and thrive. Having spent so much of my life needing to be needed, recognising this is a strange but incredibly liberating feeling. I can see there has been a real shift, realising I no longer feel the 'need' to be needed.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being needed by my children in many ways; cuddles, nurture, and being able to give them comfort, safety, and security, absolutely. But I never thought I’d relish so much the time when they became more self-sufficient, but of course, I do! And yes, it still feels nice to be needed in the short term, but I’ve realised that I don’t want to be needed all the time. I think that’s part of real growth for us all, wouldn’t you agree?

For me, the lesson here is that when we need to be needed, we’re really operating from a place of needing external validation, often from a place of not feeling good enough (definitely my story) and needing someone or something to fill that gap. But when you do the inner work and process what’s creating that void in the first place, you find that true fulfilment comes from giving freely, without needing to feel needed in return.

A little something to leave you with: I believe growth comes when we learn to untangle our self-worth from how much we do for others or how indispensable we feel we need to be. When we shift our focus and start giving from a place of already feeling enough, that’s when the magic happens. The relationships we build become stronger, more balanced, and healthier. We stop seeking approval, and in doing so, we free ourselves to live more fully and happily.

This is the kind of shift that leads to real, sustainable growth, both personally and professionally. And this is exactly what I am here to help you do.

See below all the ways you can start to make that happen, and I shall very much look forward to helping this become your reality.

Have the very best week, you gorgeous lot.