Spreading My Own Christmas Joy

I’m writing this on Thursday of this week. My big one finished school yesterday, and my little one has finished at lunchtime today. I’m literally writing this email, and one that will ping to you next Sunday, and then I am signing off work until the New Year.

Because I love my work and it’s born completely out of passion (and utter belief—knowing in the importance of understanding our nervous systems in creating that wonderful experience of life we all want), I’m sure I’ll dip into some course writing and things I enjoy putting together for you as we head into 2024, but for now, I’ll be putting it away properly.

As I mentioned last week, I’m organised. I love getting organised, so I’m nearly there, but as happens every single year, Father Christmas has not wrapped his gifts yet, and they are looming somewhat in the back of my mind (and round the back of a massive chair). I’ve carved out a little time where the children will be removed from the house so this little elf can get to work, no doubt with a broken back by the end of it! But honestly, it’s such a great pleasure to put it all together, isn’t it? Well, I like it anyway!

One of the things about Christmas, that I truly love, is seeing people open the pressies you’ve bought them with such thought (I really think about my gifts, love it!). We don’t bother doing gifts for grown-ups; instead, we do charity donations. None of us need anything, but to watch children and littler loved ones open something you know they’ll get great pleasure from, is a real joy. The sparkling eyes filled with excitement, the connection, the love, the warmth, the smiling faces; it’s the proper magic of Christmas for me.

From Monday onwards, I will very much be present and absorbed in family life. That includes my extended family, my closest friends who are like family to me, and just that feeling of safety, security, dialing things back, staying regulated, switching off, and choosing to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, with the people I want to do it with.

I’m smiling writing this, but I realise I’m very fortunate in doing so, because I know this time of year can also be a very lonely time. It can be a hard time if people you love are no longer here with you. There are several people who are no longer with us who are very much in my heart and my mind this year; so I feel you, I really do.

Particularly, my dear cousin Alice’s presence is so greatly missed by us all. I know her energy carries on alongside us daily. We all feel it, I certainly do. Still, she loved Christmas and made it magical for her fam. That magic can't and won’t be replicated, but it’s remembered and cherished, with the fondest love and the warmest memories. That ripple effect when someone is not here anymore is felt far and wide isn't it? It’s huge.

So, if you need to talk, I do understand and I really am here.

I actively encourage you to allow yourself all those feelings of sadness and loneliness too you know, if that's what's present. Don’t get caught up in how you 'should' be feeling just because it’s a festive, happy time of year. You feel how you feel, and you must behave and react accordingly. Treat yourself with the respect, love, and nurture you deserve—because you really do deserve it.

And please know, despite me saying I’m signing off from work, I’m a nurturer by nature. I love human beings, and if you need somebody to talk to, all you need to do is hit reply, and I will be right back to you.

So as we go into the next few days before Christmas, I want to share a few of my final thoughts.

This time of year can feel full, but if we can focus on the good full bits, we can make it feel really nice. Full of space and time you don't normally have away from work or the usual routine, full of connection, full of joy, and warmth. And yes, of course, it’s undoubtedly often full of to-dos, expectations, and the pressure to make it all ‘perfect.’

But the truth is, the best bits are rarely the big, heavily planned bits, are they? They’re the simple, unplanned, after-the-event-when-people-stay-back-chatting bits, the in-my-jammies-by-9:30pm ones, the accidentally-drunk-too-early ones... the honest ones.

The magic happens when we allow ourselves to just ‘be’, in our own way. Here's where our nervous systems settle. When you’re truly present, your nervous system communicates safety, and the people around you feel it too. There's that co-regulation in action again. (Ever noticed how someone calm can bring that energy to a whole room? That’s mirror neurons working their magic!)

So whether you’re surrounded by tonnes of loved ones this year, or spending time solo, these quieter, away-from-the-usual-autopilot-route intentional moments can create the real magic in life, whatever that might look and feel like for you.

Here are a few simple ways you can really lean into that:

• Be present, wherever you are. If you’re sitting with people you love, even if it’s just for a few quiet minutes, do it with no phones, no distractions, just be together. Present. These moments of connection, even if it's just chatting, playing a board game, or being silent and together, are the bits we all remember.

And if you’re spending this time alone, remember that making the effort to be around others, even if it’s in a coffee shop or walking through the park not speaking to anyone, can bring a sense of calm. Nervous systems naturally mirror each other, so being near calm, safe energy, even in passing, can regulate your own too.

• Make your life easy. Who said it has to be fancy or complicated to be good? Not me! I’m a massive advocate for simplicity and dialing back. A cuppa or glass of something with a friend (I’m even happy with fizzy water—stick a slice of lime in there and it’s positively decadent!), a board game with the kids, or sitting under a blanket reading with someone who makes you feel even better. It’s the ease and effortlessness that make these times feel truly special.
• Let go of perfection. What even is it anyway? You get to choose what ‘perfect’ looks and feels like for you. Christmas is for enjoying, not performing. Trying to make everything appear flawless often does the opposite, doesn’t it? (I did it for years—in most areas of my life—and on reflection, that’s what made me most unhappy!) It’s about feeling it, feeling safe and perfect inside. If something’s not done, or plans don’t go exactly as expected, let it be. Let it go. The best times, the ones that matter and mean the most, are rarely the ones we plan anyway; they’re the ones that just seem to happen.
• Get outside and take a breath. If things feel a bit full-on, a bit much, get outside. Take a slow breath in, and let it out even slower. A few breaths like this, alone with YOU, can reset your nervous system and bring you right back to calm. Lovely.

So that’s all from me until after Christmas, except to say, whatever you are doing, make sure it’s something you want to be doing. And if you have to do things that you don’t want to do but have no choice, make sure you bookend it with something you absolutely love.

I’ll be here next Sunday to drop in and say hello. Until then, I plan on wearing nothing restrictive, eating delicious food, choosing to be where and with who I want to be, and I actively encourage you to do the same.

And genuinely, if you feel like hitting reply at any point, to let me know how you’re feeling, what you’re up to, and any lessons you might have taken from any of my musings throughout the year. I genuinely love to hear from you.

The biggest of love and thanks for all being here. You’re a joy to be with.