Simple but genuinely life changing

This week, I want to talk about the things I’ve found that have made a real difference in my life. It’s stuff we all have access to, but it often takes work (a lot, in my case).

One of the most life-changing things I’ve discovered is the power of the word “no.” It sounds so basic, but it is incredibly freeing.

Also, the power to say “I don’t know”, to realise that not having all the answers doesn’t mean you’re failing. It is so bloody empowering to admit you don’t know! And even more so when you go and learn that thing, there's always new things to learn - how EXCITING is that?

Knowing that when you work with a client, it’s not your responsibility to make them do the work.

Being able to hear compliments, take them on board, and really let them sink in without deflecting them.

Knowing, and really feeling it deep down, that you are the best you’ve ever been, even if you’re still mending in parts, good days and bad days, sometimes good moments and bad moments. You have good spells, and you have not-so-good spells, but what I really know now, as I continue to learn over and over, is that the bad spells always make the good ones that always follow, even better, especially when you let them teach you something and take action on those teachings. On repeat.

Honestly, I think these last couple of years have been the most expansive years of my life. I’m not being smug when I say I truly love the life I’ve created for myself, and yes, I have created this life for myself. Saying "no" has been a big part of it, in all areas of life. It hasn’t always been easy, it still isn’t always easy, far from it, but this is THE easiest my life has felt. And I know this is wholly attributable to the work I’ve done - I am finally really happy and secure with who I am inside. I like who I am. I am always here for me. And that feels so comforting and calm.

There’s still work to do, of course. My heart is yet to be fully open, that I am so aware of and something I am currently committing to healing, and yes, I still have days where I question things, sometimes lots, sometimes little. But the main thing I find so incredibly powerful now, is the connection I have built to my own deep intuition. I hear it, I listen to it, I heaI trust it and I go with it, even if it feels scary - and it often does!

Oh and a massively key piece here, I’m open and honest about what I feel. I no longer feel like I have to pretend to like something, just because someone else does (spent the majority of my youth in this place!). I don’t feel the pressure to say yes to something I don’t fancy doing, or go somewhere I don’t want to go, just because I’m ‘expected’ to. There’s nothing more important in your own life than listening to yourself and doing what’s right for you. And it’s not selfish. Quite the opposite. When you preserve your energy and respect your own boundaries, you have so much more to give to everyone else - the people you really care about and want to spend time with.

I still have a therapist, I don’t doubt I always will. I see her as and when I want to, probably every 4 weeks or so as I type. I’ve had all sorts of deep therapies before: EMDR, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy and have complementary therapies when I feel I want/need to, like Reiki etc.

The counsellor I see at the moment is a ‘counsellor’, she’s someone I’ve been seeing for the last few years, and she knows me inside out. There is nothing I keep from her! I use my time with her as someone I can say literally anything to, about anything and anyone, so it doesn’t stay trapped in my body. (That stuff slowly rots inside you. Nothing good ever happens by pushing something down. It’ll find its way to be heard, hello, panic attacks—that’s how it screamed to me. For others it can be illness, digestive issues, anxiety, disturbed sleep, mood swings, irritability, the list goes on….)

I’m also incredibly lucky to have a set of truly solid, proper, do-anything-for-each-other, want-the-best-for-each-other kind of friends, those real OG mates. Thick and thin types (we’ve got each other through lots, trust me). I’m lucky, we’re lucky, and we really, really know it. So yes, of course, I can talk to them, but there are times when you want to talk to someone who knows nobody. I’m loyal, and I cannot completely splurge those deepest thoughts and feelings always… because I feel disloyal. That’s why having a therapist, a mentor, a coach, someone, is worth its weight in gold. Open talking has moved mountains for me… I’ve moved mountains for me, via talking openly!

So, I’m going to round this up now… But before I do, I highly recommend listening to Davina McCall’s brand new podcast, particularly the episode with Fearne Cotton. I found myself nodding along with so much of it. I look at how successful both these women are, not just in business, but as all round humans. They’ve both faced, and continue to face, real challenges in life. They are just normal people, like us, who have done well. They both still get up every day and work on being the very best they can be for themselves, but in the process, spread the word far and wide to help as many others as they can. For me, that is real success. That’s where the beauty lies. That’s exactly what I choose to do with my life, and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I can’t wait to see where it goes from here.

So, what’s the lesson here for you today? It’s this: it all comes down to my nervous system feeling calmer than ever. Seriously, having had talk therapy for years and years and still struggling with the same reactive patterns and feelings inside, it has been THE thing that has finally changed my life and brought with it all the changes I’ve talked about here. Once you learn about it and understand how real, tangible, physiological and actionable (in really simple ways) it is, you will be so glad you did.

If you haven’t downloaded my Guide to Managing Your Nervous System yet you can do so here (it’s free right now - usually £97 - island the lessons in it apply to everyone, not just people earling £6+ figures!)

Now, when I feel dysreglated, which happens lots, I know what to do to ease myself back into regulation. I also know it’s just old programming waiting for me to release it, so I can feel even better! How lovely is it to be able to think of discomfort like that? BEAUTS.

So the point I want you to take away from this. I’ll say it over and over again: you, as you are right now, are more than enough. Believe it. Do the things you want to do. Don’t let another year pass waiting to do that thing (or things!) you know you want to do. Just do it. This is your life. Nobody has to approve, (and not everyone even has to know). But you need to make it count for you. Don’t get to the end with regrets.

And know this: if you listen to yourself, it’s always the right thing.

Make this a really good week to remember.

If you want to go deeper into any of this, you can book a free 15 minute call with me here to see what that can look like.