Just do it keep the peace

I made the decision to send this on a Monday this week, because to be quite honest there’s been rather a lot going on my end. Some fun stuff, some fam stuff (that’s also fun and lovely), some work stuff that’s exciting and heart filling… and some stuff that’s quite honestly not my fave way to spend my time - but there’s that rich tapestry of life at play again.

The eagle eyed of you will realise I didn’t send a weekly email out last Sunday 👀.

Also it was Mother’s Day yesterday, and I was out Saturday night for a friend’s birthday, so with both things combined, I didn’t want to get up at the crack of dawn to pen this in a hurry. So there you go. Honestly in all its glory.

As most of you here will know, I write an email to you every single week. It’s my real pleasure to do so too - I really enjoy it. I love to be able to share things that I believe might help you in some way. Often hearing someone else’s real life narrative can put a real tangible perspective on things for us. That's my wish anyway. In fact, I have written this weekly email every single week since June 2023. In all that time I’ve only ever missed two weeks. Alas, last week was the third occasion! I think that’s ok 😉

The day I was due to pull it together I had quite the day of logistics; things crop up unexpectedly don’t they? (That’s the nature of this life beast and why it’s soooo important to be able to create your own calm and stability from the inside out, because the external world sure ain't gonna do that for you). I realised I’d started to feel totally overwhelmed with how I’d get it all done. Tight tummy, starting to get irritable, starting to feel somewhat ‘out of control’. Reading this back now I think - what? What was I getting all in a tiz about? I could just explain what happened (like I am now) - hardly a big drama.

But in that moment I was dysregulated, and we (physically) cannot think clearly when our systems are in dysregulation (when our system senses threat and feels unsafe), we have already tipped into ‘survival,’ and that’s what was going on here.

I tried to justify not doing the email to you all in my own mind. It went a lot like this “Well they have received quite the number of emails about Sorrento recently, and those in Regulate receive an update from there every two weeks… And I have been rather prolific on Social Media of late… they are probably sick of me barraging them anyway”…. But actually, I know from feedback, people really enjoy my Sunday ramblings (which always really quite surprises me but hey there you go). And you’re certainly loving the Sorrento trip (only 25 sleeps until I go there again to recce before the main event. Download the brochure here if you haven’t already). And no matter how much I think I’m shouting about things, it always transpires that so many people don’t see any of it anyway.

Regardless of all this internal justification narrative, I realised I didn’t need any validation, any external reason or indeed any kind of permission slip to not send the email last week - I could just email you today telling you where I was, both mentally and physically. So here I am.

I felt completely overwhelmed and made the gut-led decision not to write or send the email - purely to look after myself and not to your benefit at all.

And I know that was fine.

Are you cross about it? Are you heck!

Did it ruin your week? Also, no.

So we are cool.

And to add insult to injury (or to be extra brave and bolshy - ha) it’s a day late this week for much of the same reason too.

You’ll be glad to hear though, a much easier to manage, enjoy, and schedule week is incoming, so normal service shall resume from next Sunday onwards.

I hope this helps you see first hand here what committing to nervous system regulation work looks and feels like in real life?

This is exactly what living in regulation does - it gives us the ‘capacity’ to make a different choice. To respond in the moment, not from guilt or pressure, but from a grounded place of knowing what’s needed. You recognise you are dysregulated when you are spinning out - you don’t automatically believe the stories of ‘having too much to do’ are real. You notice the sensations, the feelings, the messages it’s sending to your nervous system and honour your limits.

Useful to hear that isn’t it? When we don’t feel able to choose ourselves over other people, it is actually a survival mechanism. It’s your nervous system automatically flicking into survival mode when it perceives any form of threat or danger - which the amount of ‘jobs’ and ‘responsibility’ and possibility of ‘letting people down’ was creating in the sensations in my body.

Your own health and happiness is of paramount importance in your own life. Please hear that. That is not about being selfish, it’s not about never thinking of anybody else, but it’s that whole putting your own oxygen mask on first thing. And what it’s certainly not about is about abandoning your own sense of peace to keep somebody else happy.

One of my very favourite sayings is ‘When you’re keeping the peace, whose peace are you keeping?” The answer is very often certainly not your own.

And that’s it for this week for me. Over and out for now.

I’ll see you next Sunday around 8am. Promise!

Have a gorgeous week - if you're in the UK enjoy the lighter evenings. EXHALE! Brighter days are coming.