I’ve had it, enough is enough

Now you see, as a young one… OK a vast majority of my life, I never felt good enough. Not pretty enough (ffs - what’s that even about?), not successful enough, not doing enough, not being enough…aaarrrrgh. Fortunately, I can genuinely say I am wholly enough just the way I am. As a whole human (or spiritual being having a human experience - you believe what you wish).

BUT…..

Apparently this does not remove the ever present external ‘not enough’ narrative from continuing. Something I know we all share in abundance. You tell me all the time and I hear it in my own head all the time.

Some background as to where this email flow came from this week before I continue. And yes it really did flow out from my pen nib without stopping this week (I actually wrote it with a real pen and paper whilst evening journalling!).

Our youngest has been off school for the week not feeling great. He’s on the mend, croup.. Or possible Covid. Who knows. But he’s miles better now.. Luckily we (me and my husband, Rich) are both self employed so can juggle the childcare between us. But, this also means we have to try to get all our work commitments done and all the other stuff we schedule so neatly into those tiny hours between school runs, around being there for our poorly boy. Anyway, this week has really had the ‘not enough’ mantra running high for me. Here goes…

The first one makes me feel guilty (pointless and needless but there we are), I can’t get to the gym enough (Ok there, I said it, and it came first, which makes me feel bad. But I want to be honest). I’m not present enough as a parent, not giving enough hours to my work, not connecting with my clients, my network, my friends enough, not getting enough sleep (he’s been up a lot in the night), not meditating enough, not where I want to be with my business and what I want to provide for my clients quick enough.. Shall I go on? Not necessary. You get it. Insert your own list of ‘not enough’ at any moment if you want to join in my tirade.

You see, I know from countless consultations, the theme for us all in this world seems to hinge heavily around not getting through enough in our days, not getting ‘there’ quick enough, wondering if we should have started earlier, when we were young enough, not enough time left… Now I really have stopped. But what actually is enough? And who set this arbitrary fucki*ng marker anyway?

The funny thing is, the clients I work with, in my opinion anyway, are some of the most successful kick arse women you could imagine. They are doing the do in their chosen fields, on their chosen paths, in all the different ways that chosen path is executed. They’ve created these incredible lives for themselves, aspirational and inspirational (and I refer to full time mothers here very much too!), built these epic businesses or home lives based around their own unique blend of passions, skills, offerings and gifts with which they came to this world. They do the inner work too (obviously that’s what they work with me!), but let me tell you, they STILL come to me with the list of ‘not enoughs’ all the time. It’s that deep seated feeling that you should always be doing more.

Now I do recognise that us humans have an intrinsic drive for more, rooted in our evolutionary psychology. So maybe that is the reason that feeling that we ‘are’ doing enough just doesn’t seem to be the natural default position.

Now interestingly, when I get really committed, go right into the inner work, really go deep, I can 100% rid myself of any of that push, push, push, need to be doing more feeling and can get myself into that place where I’m in a calm flow, feel the harmony between my desires and the speed and effort with which I am moving towards them. Honestly, I can get to a place where I wholly know I’m on my own timeline and everything is unfolding just the way it’s supposed to be. That it is all enough. I am enough. In fact it’s more than enough because I get to decide.

But this only happens when I’m being really mega strict on the meditation, the sleep, the books I’m reading, the company I’m keeping, the environment I’m in, my gratitude routines, my movement and rest etc, so it is doable, but life just doesn't allow for such dedication to all of that 100% of the time and becoming cool with that has to be ok. I guess what I’m saying here is, just knowing that ‘enough’ feeling is in there when we allow ourselves to find it, shows that ‘not enough’ is just a feeling, a belief, a limiting belief, just like all those other ‘thoughts and beliefs’ that hold us back. They are not true! So that’s a good thing, right? Because we have power over that, when we choose to exercise it.

So I’ll leave you with that thought, in the hope that maybe you’ll catch yourself when you’re berating yourself for not doing or being enough… Maybe you’ll be able to jump in on that thought and question if it’s really true or just a state of mind (or that you’re on social media too much comparing yourself - you know one of the two!).

Have the best week, and a great bank holiday actually - nearly forgot about that little gift!