Give us a ‘P’ please Bob

I got to do something really lovely actually, and I feel very privileged to have done so.

I don’t know how many of you know, but I’m actually a trustee of a couple of charities (Emmeline’s Pantry and The Shears Foundation—hugely passionate about the positive, on-the-ground impact these incredible organisations make on the world—check them out).

It was as trustee of the Shears Foundation that I got to visit an incredible organisation this weekend. My word, do I feel so lucky to have done so… The charity is called Chatterbox (https://chatterboxonline.org/) it is a friendly speech and social support group for parents and carers of children with Downs Syndrome.

I cannot tell you the utter joy of being in that space with all those beautiful humans. Smiles, laughter, connection... The positive energy was tangible. As a trustee, we (my lovely colleague Carla came too!) were lucky enough to be invited to sit in with many of the activities and sessions going on, from speech therapy, play, arts and crafts, sing and sign, storytelling, bushcraft adventure, and a beautiful occupational health therapy session. But what really stood out was that just being there, together, was such an uplifting, happy experience for everyone involved.

It got me all excited to write this!

It showed me, once again, how essential real connection is to each and every one of us, to our overall well-being, joy, and growth in life. There’s something about being around other people that literally shifts your whole energy and indeed your mood (yes, even if the thought of having to be around others isn’t so appealing, I promise it benefits us all!).

When we connect, especially in person, our bodies naturally release oxytocin, the "love hormone." This reduces stress and helps us feel more relaxed, supported, and part of something bigger.

Talking to the parents on Saturday (at Chatterbox), many said their diagnosis felt terrifying at first, everything felt negative. But by connecting with other parents, being part of this joyous, supportive, fun community, building these beautiful relationships and connections with others who had shared experiences, they not only found strength, but a whole new level of happiness and opportunity came with it. A whole new wonderful world opened up.

Now for a little facty science bit… Human beings are physically hardwired for connection. We are pack animals, whether we like it or not! When we connect with people, our nervous systems actually co-regulate, meaning we sync up on a physiological level, which makes us feel calmer, part of something, supported, and understood. When we’re around people, even strangers, our brains produce that feel-good oxytocin hormone, which reduces stress and lifts our mood. Lovely!

This is why, even if you’re more introverted, being around people, even in small doses, has a positive effect on you.

While we’re on this point, if you work alone often, it’s really beneficial for you to make time to be around other people, even just for short bursts of time (and even if you don’t directly engage with them). This could be walking in the park or working from a café, even this is enough to increase your creativity, calm your nervous system, and make you feel less isolated. You could try something as simple as being in the same room with someone, even that makes a difference, so think about co-working spaces or inviting a friend to work with you for the day!

Where was I heading? Oh yes… to awe!

One of the sessions I got to sit in on was an occupational therapy session. Honestly, it was so precious to witness, I wanted to cry (held it down… until I left!). The occupational therapist, who clearly cherished her work and clients, sat with a little girl on her knee. The little girl was overstimulated, her energy bubbling over. The therapist cradled her gently, hands behind her knees to bring her knees toward her chest, rocking her, smiling, and looking into her eyes sometimes. I watched as this little girl slowly moved from overstimulated to calm, gazing into the therapist’s eyes with such fondness. Calm. Happy. At ease. Her mum couldn’t believe it!

Now, as you know, I’m fascinated by the nervous system (because I’m so passionate about helping humans truly live wholly and fully in this short experience of life, and this work totally underpins it), so I asked the therapist if she was ‘mobilising the little girl’s nervous system’ to help her calm down. She confirmed this. I then asked, “Would I be right in saying that what I’d just seen was their two nervous systems wiring together, syncing up?” She said absolutely!

You see, physical touch, or even just being in the presence of someone else, physically moves your nervous system from a stressed state to a calm one. It’s why we will always feel better when we are connecting with others.

Now, for me, it doesn’t matter where I am, on a dancefloor, with clients, friends, family, at a networking event, having dinner, in the gym, walking down the street, or queueing up for something, I just love connecting with people. Always up for a chat! But we are all different…

That said, important to note, no matter how introverted or extroverted you are, we really do all need connection. You just get to choose how to make that connection comfortable and work for you.

A round-up of facts on why connection is important for us humans:

• Human connection is biologically essential. Social bonds help regulate the nervous system by increasing the release of oxytocin (often called the "bonding hormone"), which promotes feelings of safety and well-being.
• Connection also supports mental health, with real-life social interactions reducing feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Studies even show that people with strong social networks live longer and are generally happier.
• Physical presence is vital too. When we are physically present with others, our nervous systems subconsciously sync up (this is called co-regulation), helping us feel calm, connected, and understood.
• Being around others can boost creativity and productivity as well. Working in isolation for long periods can reduce creativity and problem-solving abilities, but being around people, even without directly engaging, can stimulate your brain in new ways.
• Community is powerful. Connecting with people who share similar experiences builds a sense of belonging and mutual support, which is crucial for emotional resilience.
• Shared experiences are key to building stronger bonds. Whether it’s attending an event or taking an impromptu walk with a friend, these shared moments help build stronger emotional connections, which, in turn, energise us.

The absolute base layer for designing a whole life you love living begins with learning how to regulate your nervous system. This is the foundation from which all the other work builds upon. Connection, as we can see here, is fundamental to this.

We all need connection, big or small, so make sure this week you do yourself a massive favour and connect.

On that point, I always offer a free 15-minute chat, you can book it here - no criteria! https://calendly.com/shift-yours/15-minute-discovery-call. (It gets busy, so if you can’t find a slot, just hit reply here and I’ll make sure we find you a slot)

Make it a great week.